last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
