he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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