I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
