I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
They are going to name an STD after you.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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