i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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