Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
