well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
