I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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