should my penis look like a turkey
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
