What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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