I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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