One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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