she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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