Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
