I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
