ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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