is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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