Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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