also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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