Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
ok first of all what the fuck
that is very illegal...i love you.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
