For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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