I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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