At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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