My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I love you. Go after that dick
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