So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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