I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
