There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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