chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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