I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
