She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
