I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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