oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
