I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
