11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
