fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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