The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
