So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
