I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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