dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
can u get pink eye on your cock?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
