I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
