At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
