Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
