bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
