Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
