I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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