Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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