I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Randomize
