I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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