It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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