Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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