If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
