Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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