Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Can vaginas get frostbite?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
