I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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