2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
