This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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