mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
it's great music for shaving your balls
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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