I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
