apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
