If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
