After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
