yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Congratulations! We have a period
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
