So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
