grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
