Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
