dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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