There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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