Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
