I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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