You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
