im six kinds of drunk right now
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
