the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
where am i from again
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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