I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
