A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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